One Thing I Wish Church Members Could Understand

I have a book on a shelf that some good friends gave me, entitled, Ten Things Your Minister Wants to Tell You. The idea is that ministers cannot always say what is on their minds because receiving paychecks is a good thing. In other words, if ministers really spoke their minds, there would be few of them left employed.

The things mentioned in this book, that ministers wish they could say, are things like how the Bible was actually constructed, all people (no exceptions) are good and loved by God, etc.

The book is a really good read. Seeing it on my shelf got me to thinking: One thing I wish members of churches could understand is that the ministers of their churches are people, simply people.

Your ministers, former ministers, and future ministers:

*Are not perfect. (That’s a good thing by the way. That helps you relate to them better.)

*Are, generally speaking, not trained to be counselors. They can help you, sure. But they are not trained to provide psychological/mental health counselors. Other people are trained to provide that.

*Again, generally speaking, they aren’t big fans of the comparison of their daily schedule to “bankers’ hours.” If you looked at the schedule of their average day, you’d be amazed. And while we’re at it, let’s give bankers a rest. How many bankers really only work 9:00 - 3:00? Perhaps we should just trash the term “bankers’ hours.”

*Have lots of stuff going on. At their best, they are able to give you their full attention and provide you with what you need. But who among us is always at their best? Between committee meetings, weekly sermons/Bible studies, life away from church, their families, time in the office, and the tons upon tons of stuff they are dealing with at the church and in the lives of church members that hardly anyone ever knows about, it’s amazing that ministers have any time at all. So if they do not seem to be at their best (or what we think should be their best), there’s probably a whole list of reasons why.

*Have a relationship with you that is designed to be different than most of the other relationships in your life. Sure, your minister, in many ways, can be a friend, someone to console you, someone to listen to you, someone to encourage you, someone to challenge you. But at the end of the day, your minister is the minister of all church members ... not just you. That means that your minister must treat you the same way, without favortism, as they treat all other church members.

*Are with you for a certain time period. Hopefully, this time period is a wonderful one. But when that time period is over, that time period is over. You will likely maintain some sort of contact, directly or indirectly, with that minister in the future. But for your good, for that minister’s good, and, especially, for the next minister’s good, that time period is over.

*Last, and perhaps most importantly, are who they are. Way too many conflicts arise because church members expect what their ministers cannot give them. Ministers are people: some of them are outgoing, some are quiet and reserved, some of them excel at pastoral care, some struggle to do that part of their job, some of them are great administrators, some do better to fly by the seat of their pants. Placing our expectations upon other people is rarely, if ever, a good idea. Let’s learn who other people are and then learn to deal with them on those terms.